day 24: "soul on deck...
...shines like gold in dark times"
This prompt was listed as a quote, by an author I have recently come to think of as a teacher in my new journey of the soul, Clarissa Pinkola Estes. A quick search brought up the article from which this quote was taken, and all I can say today, about this, is 'YES! A thousand times, yes.'
It's been a hard few days for me. I took a physically challenging hike on Saturday, and my body is still recovering from that. The boys were shuttled around all weekend and they are still recovering from that. I've been dreaming again, after a long time with relatively uneventful sleeping, and they're not great dreams. The details are fuzzy, but I come awake in the morning with some intense unease, discomfort that seems to be associated with real persons or events, and the general feeling that something's not right. I'm blaming it on my efforts to look beyond fear, to deal with the growing pains I've long put off, the new and unusual experience of putting myself in challenging situations on purpose. Purposefully battling ego, apparently during my sleeping as well as my waking hours.
This morning was especially 'ugh'. The littlest has had a cough for too long, and it's completely depleted his resources. He's left with whining, crying, toddler fits and baby rage, which means that's what I am faced with too. I've been struggling to get and stay in a self-care routine. To do some kind of movement every day, even if it's just 15 minutes of yoga (a whopping one day in a row for that goal right now). To make my way through the current daily meditation/mindfulness routine I'm trying to work on, without constant interruption and distraction. And today, thinking about all of those things and judging the shit out of myself, I was feeling desperately out of touch with my source power.
Now that I've been getting better about getting IN touch, it sucks to be out. And yet!
And yet, as I am slowly but surely learning, I am never out of touch. I may occasionally loose sight, or drift out of earshot, or be overcome by the noise of every day issues, but my higher power is always there. And so, I was less surprised than I might have been in the past when I forced myself to make time for today's 'Write Like the Fool' writing and, feeling uninspired, pulled up that original writing by Ms. Estes and realized, the Universe is talking to me still.
Unabashedly, clearly, beautifully through deeply feeling, wondering fellow humans. I am right where I'm supposed to be. I was made for this!
Trust me, do yourself a favor and read her original words. Simple, inspiring, hopeful Truth.